124 | How to deal with difficult clients (my WASABI model)
Discover my calm, 6-step way to deal with difficult clients (without throwing your laptop)
We've all had a client who's had us screaming silently into a pillow, but instead of ranting on Threads or lobbing your laptop out the window, I want to share my ‘WASABI model’ - a 6-step mindset exercise I created to help you deal with difficult clients calmly and move forward positively.
A calm, 6-step approach to dealing with difficult clients
If you've ever got midway through a project and had a client who's got you screaming silently into a pillow, or found yourself lying awake at night because your brain won't switch off worrying about them, or you're talking to a potential client and something is setting off alarm bells you can't quite explain, this one's for you!
I created this ‘WASABI’ mindset exercise a couple of years ago to help me deal with the negative feelings that come up around a tricky client or project, because honestly the alternative (going on an online rant, moaning about your clients on Threads, kicking a doorframe, or lobbing your laptop out the window) doesn't really help move us forward 🙃
Over 11 years and 170+ clients as a website designer, I promise I’ve seen it all! And this framework has genuinely saved my sanity more than once…
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What is a "wasabi client"?
This model goes back to my old In Demand Designer program, which was very sushi-restaurant themed! Instead of calling someone a "red flag client" or a "bad client", I reframed them as a wasabi client.
Look, I personally hate wasabi. Even the tiniest dot of it on a piece of sushi overpowers the entire dish IMO - I can honestly taste it a mile off and it ruins the whole thing for me.
A wasabi client is exactly that: someone who clearly isn't the right fit for me, whose bad-fit energy starts seeping into all my other projects because I'm having such a negative experience.
But here's the important bit: lots of people love wasabi. (My husband can't eat sushi without it!)
So a wasabi client usually isn't a bad person, or a red flag for everyone (very occasionally, sure, someone is just a walking red flag, but that's beside the point.) Most of the time, they're simply not the right fit for you, and that's okay. Not everyone in life will love you, and you won't love everyone either.
Taking the "this person is a terrible human" charge out of it is the first bit of relief. Now let's work through it properly…
W: Witness the emotion
First, get clear on the main negative feeling you have around this client or project. Are you feeling frustrated? Anxious? Undervalued? Something else entirely?
The key is to witness and observe the emotion rather than getting lost in it. Look objectively at how you actually feel inside.
For example: "I'm feeling frustrated and a little overwhelmed by this client's constant last-minute requests." You have to be able to label what you're feeling, and what the issue is, before you can solve it.
A: Acknowledge the trigger
Next, pinpoint the specific client action or behaviour that's actually setting off that feeling. Wasabi clients usually have a particular "kick" that sets us off, whether it's constant last-minute changes, unclear communication, or just a vibe that isn't aligning.
Focus on what's genuinely happening, separate from your emotional reaction to it.
For example: "The client often sends emails at odd hours with changes that weren't part of the original scope. It's throwing off my workflow and making me feel like I'm on call." Now you know the trigger: out-of-hours, out-of-scope emails that make you feel permanently on call.
S: Source their behaviour
Now bring in some empathy. Where is this behaviour actually stemming from on their end? What's driving it?
This isn't about excusing anything. It's about recognising their behaviour might not be personal to you, and might not be some unsolvable character flaw. We're all human, and this perspective can bring a surprising amount of relief.
In our example, the client might be feeling overwhelmed themselves and nervous about launching, double-checking every tiny thing because they want it perfect.
They also might not actually expect an instant reply, they might just lead a busy life and answer things out of hours. They might not have clarity on the scope because it was never set properly at the start. Or it could be simple ignorance about how long things take, rather than any attempt to be demanding.
A: Adjust your attitude
What attitude shift can you make to stay calm and in control?
You have the power to adjust how you emotionally react.
For example: "Most of the pressure I'm feeling is actually coming from my own desire to keep the client happy - like replying out of hours when they email at random times. But they may not even expect that of me." So you could choose to reply only within your own working hours, kindly and supportively, in a way that soothes their nerves.
A phrase a coach once told me has stuck with me ever since: don't make their urgency your emergency. Just because someone contacts you outside your hours doesn't mean they expect an instant response. And if they do, that's simply a sign the boundary needs resetting, which is the next step.
B: Boundary setting
What boundary can you set right now - for yourself, for the client, or for the project - to reduce the friction and move forward?
That might be a self-imposed boundary (limiting how much mental space this project takes up, or not checking emails at weekends), or one you need to set or reset with the client. And yes, you absolutely can reset boundaries mid-project. Sometimes they got a bit blurry, or were never clear to begin with. That might mean clarifying the number of revisions or the scope, setting firmer deadlines, or confirming your communication and out-of-office hours.
For example: "I'm not going to reply outside my working hours. When I do reply, I'll make sure the client feels supported, and I'll kindly remind them of my response times if they react to it."
I: Implement the lesson
Finally, take the lesson forward. What can you learn from this to refine your process so it's less likely to happen again?
Maybe there are red flags to watch for in future enquiries. Maybe you need to update your project expectations, contract or proposals around communication or scope, or add more clarity at each step.
In our example: "I'll make my response times crystal clear in my onboarding, and actually stick to them, so I train the client on when to expect replies." Because if you cave and fire off the odd reply at 8pm on a Sunday, you're training them that you might reply then - so they'll keep emailing at those times, just in case.
Why this works
When a project is going south and your nervous system is completely dysregulated, having a set model to follow lets you put your brain on autopilot: "right, let me just work through these steps." It makes the whole thing feel more objective, which is exactly what you need when you're in a panic.
